My Crazy Cool Messenger I

My school sends a multitude of intranet messages.  As a generally low-ranking teacher, I assume that my inbox load to be minimal compared to others.  I typically receive 15-20 messages per day.  90% of them are in Korean.  The other 10% are specifically sent to me, mostly from my main co-teacher (handler).  I can only imagine how many messages come into the principal, vice-principal, or other teachers’ inboxes.

Because I am both lazy and efficient, I choose to copy and paste these messages directly into Google Translate.  While I know Naver Translate often produces more accurate translations, one must click the “translator” button for each message (like I said, lazy and efficient).  As anyone who has written a foreign language paper can attest to, Google Translate is a very imperfect system.  Here are some message translations that made me double-take, laugh, or otherwise react atypically to dry office correspondence.

A draft of the exam schedule for the third-grade final exam and the first and second grade for the midterm exam has been issued. This is literally a draft.

I give the teacher who sent this props for correctly using the term “literally.”  Like I literally cannot believe how many people use literally in a figurative sense.  Like oh, my God.

As I foretold today,

3 classes 2nd grade 7 classes There are open classes for native teachers.

If possible, please change your class and attend.

If you have a hard time, please let me quiet down for a while and then I’ll see you in class.

First of all, the word “foretold” convinces me that there is an oracle somewhere in my school.  I must find them and ask when the Seahawks will win their second Super Bowl.

This message regarded some of my classes being open for observation.  I guess all the sender needs to do is quiet down and suddenly teachers’ schedules open up.  There is some logic here.  Whenever I have a hard time, quieting down in meditation actually helps a lot.

Conversation with the professional teacher.

Maybe a man’s heart.

Teachers in the classroom to help the 1st and 2nd-grade parents.

A chair, a desk, and so on will be in place.

I am sorry and thank you.

I don’t even know what this means or what they are apologizing for.  I hope they were forgiven.

As you mentioned, did not you forget your lunch today?

Come to the car with me.

So much nope.  I would rather skip a meal then follow someone I met online (well, sort of online) to their car.  My parents warned me about people like that.

Tomorrow!!!! How about a volleyball game after 7th grade?

Materials needed: combat uniform, combat boots, combat will

I’ll see you in advance!

There is a lot of truth to this.  Volleyball games are no laughing matter here.  A combat will is a must.  There is no room for pudgy softness.

Also, how will the sender see me in advance?  All I can think of is the sender has a camera and is spying on me.  If so, I am uncomfortable.

I would like to have a training program for selection procedures and prevention of absurdities.

It’s about time somebody brought this up.  The absurdities that I see around here are out of control.  One day I saw a clown wrestling a toothless lion.  We need to prevent these events at all cost.

All examinations will be held from the first, second and third grades tomorrow. You will have a lot of trouble to supervise for four days. Please understand the following points carefully and thoroughly supervise.

This one wasn’t en point at all.  I had no trouble to supervise during examinations.  All I had was sheer boredom.  I didn’t think there was anything worse than taking an important exam.  There is – watching other people take an important exam.  At least some teachers let me read on my Kindle after having a few looks around.

There are two types of farming villages,

The first type is that children and parents must not have moved from municipal junior high school to high school graduation (6 years) in municipal areas.

The second type is that the children must be in the municipal area from the entrance day of elementary school to the day of high school graduation (12 years) even if the parents have moved.

I hope that the cases of heartburn do not happen by letting them know that they are suitable for farming and fishing villages.

There was a lot to unpack in this one.

First off, I didn’t realize there were two kinds of farming villages.  That is why I love living here.  I learn new things every day.

Second, I’m glad I’m not a parent or child in Korea.  I would hate twisting my mind to make sense of these types of villages.  I mean, it’s not that difficult, but I still struggle to understand why 6 versus 12 years living in a community is a significant difference.

Finally, I wonder if my friends living in island fishing villages can relate to cases of heartburn.  What does the epidemiological literature say about “village suitability” and “pyrosis”?

Anyways, if anyone enjoyed these I have many more messages stowed away for winter.  I’m sure I’ll continue to add more as long as my inbox continues to overflow and Google Translate continues to spit out eye-popping missives.

Photo Corner


Skipping the soju for a sober weekend made this a birthday to remember.


Preach!  *Claps*


What’s up?  My name is Chad.  I like lacrosse, girls (hot ones), crushing kegs (Natty Light), sliding into DMs uninvited, and “chilling with my bros”.  My biggest challenge of 2018 will be choosing between Vail and Breckenridge as my winter vacation destination.


A co-worker asked me to write a wish to hang at my school’s winter festival.

“I wish for our students and staff make the most of every moment because time is our most precious resource.”

-Ian (Native Teacher)


I think this picture was an accident, but it illustrates the creepy red-light vibe of a Gwanju love motel.  Regardless, at 17,000 won per night to sleep on a heated floor, my friends and I are regular customers.  I wonder if they have a loyalty rewards program.

2 thoughts on “My Crazy Cool Messenger I

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s